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[personal profile] realexplodingcat
Last night, on a whim, I went to a heavy metal show at the Outback Lodge. Pelican with Black Cobra and Unearthly Trance. Pelican was about as intimidating as the bird itself, but they are a skilled quartet who blast out some engaging instrumental compositions. Unearthly Trance was rather sludgy doomy metal. And Black Cobra was easily the most noise I have ever heard two people make together. They sounded like an orchestra of assault rifles.

The room is absolutely packed. I'm all the way at the rear of the Lodge with my back pressing against a tall table. Toward the end of Black Cobra's set this dude squeezes through the crowd like pudding through clenched teeth toward my position at the back of the room. He's shirtless, young, and totally wasted on some vicious cocktail of booze and barbiturates. He climbs the table behind me and tries to pass out in a comfortable position. Please note, this table does not have four legs. It has single pedestal base for support. The table is starting to rock n roll as this guy shifts his weight and digs his toes into my back. It's not long before I realize that the only thing holding the table upright is me. I have terrible visions of this guy pitching forward, taking the table down on me and chopping me right in half.

During a lull in the explosions on stage the crowd begins to thin and a space opens up off to my right. I yell in the ear of a friend standing next to me, "Hey, I'm going to move over there so this guy can fall off the table." He shrugged and followed, not realizing I was serious. Sure enough, not a minute later, the shirtless wonder tips the table and he goes crashing onto the floor. Fortunately, a couple of beer bottles broke his fall.

And I just laughed. Normally, I'm not a cruel person, but this guy had it coming and the situation tickled me. In fact, it made my day. I still giggle thinking about it. For some reason I derive pleasure from drunks and dope-heads suffering the consequences of their actions. I probably would have been more concerned, but the guy didn't seem any worse on the floor than he had been on his feet. In fact, he probably should have stayed on the floor, but he did have a companion help him up into a chair where he proceeded to pass out again. God loves a drunk.

Date: 2008-03-16 04:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
and here I thought this post was going to be about your wife :) *ducks*

Date: 2008-03-16 02:23 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Hey, that's fair. She was drunk when I got home. Kept me up talking all night. I probably should have let her climb on a table.

Date: 2008-03-16 05:58 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
" pudding through clenched teeth" may be may favorite simile of the entire decade.

Date: 2008-03-16 02:24 pm (UTC)

Date: 2008-03-16 08:09 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Not all drunks are created equal. That was a stupid drunk, I am a fun drunk. Although, you did turn a stupid drunk into a fun drunk. Anyway, I hate stupid drunks. Don't feel guilty, just giggle when you think about him having to try and figure out where the bruises came from... Too many people out there really shouldn't drink, there are far too many stupid drunks.

Date: 2008-03-16 02:30 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
So true. And you're right, I did turn a stupid drunk into a fun drunk! There's always at least one stupid drunk at a rock concert. Probably more, but you're guaranteed at least one even at a small show. This guy on the table had to fill that quota when another guy was tossed out of the club halfway through the first band's set. The first guy kept walking all over the stage and spilling the band's beer while they played.

Date: 2008-03-16 02:18 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Obviously you have never been chased down a pier with a fish in your hand and a one legged pelican after you!

Date: 2008-03-16 02:31 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
I can't argue with that. I'll have it to try it and see how I feel about it. I guess some species of pelican get pretty big.
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