![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
His lawn is dying
Sep. 1st, 2006 09:33 pmAnybody want to mow my lawn?
After a few weeks, the lawn is a bit shaggy. I'm leaving for several weeks for a long vacation and I had intended to mow it at the end of this week. However, not only is there a former-hurricane continuing the rain that started on Wednesday, but my lawn mower won't even start. If anybody has any goats they need to corral, they can do it in my yard while I'm gone. Although, if they eat![[livejournal.com profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/external/lj-userinfo.gif)
krasota"s flowers, she's having gyros for dinner. Also, given the way it looks out there right now, the goats may want to have gills.
I had a great uncle in Florida who told me a story of how he went fishing in the Gulf and caught a mermaid. The mermaid said to him, "If you marry me, my tail fin will turn into legs and I will live with you on dry land. However, every full moon, you must agree to fill the bath tub, lock me in the bathroom, and don't you dare open the door.
My uncle agreed. He stuffed her in the fish well and headed back to shore. He found a justice of the peace and brought him down to the beach. It wasn't the most graceful wedding, because the mermaid flopped around on the beach, whipping her tail back and forth, throughout most of the ceremony, but as soon as the JP said, "You may kiss the fish," her tail slit into a pair of legs.
They lived happily together. She cooked him breakfast every morning and, just as she instructed, every full moon he locked her in the bathroom after filling the tub and dumping her in it. He would listen at the door, but never dare enter. He heard splashing and thrashing and grunts and growls and all kinds of strange noises.
Now, my uncle was a kinky bastard. He got to figuring that she must be turning back into a mermaid temporarily on the full moon nights and he really missed the novelty of her fish tail. He had gotten his fill of two-legged action and really wanted to take a peak at his unusual wife. One night, after filling the tub, dropping her in, and closing the door, he didn't lock it. When the thrashing and splashing started, he burst in the door. He screamed!
In the tub was a wet, hairy goat, bleating and screaming like a barnyard animal. It was a barnyard animal. The goat was bloodthirsty, too. She jumped out of the tub, lunging for my uncle. He swore he could hear it's goat voice crying, "I toOoOoLd yOoOoOu! DoOoOon't CoOoOoMe in here!" The fish-wife-goat creature tackled my uncle and bit his neck. He screamed while those devilish slit shaped goat eyes stared at him. While he was trying to push her away, he saw the gills on the goats neck, flapping and wheezing for air. He realized the goat could only breathe under water, so he held that creature. He hugged it close, avoiding the snapping teeth and crying like a baby, knowing he was killing his wife, but he couldn't suffer an abomination like this to live. What would the neighbors think?
Well, she died in his arms, unable to breathe out of water. He dragged her to the boat, drove out to the ocean, and dumped her. My Uncle is a strong man. He patched his wound and got on with his life. However, every full moon, he does turn into a goat. Unfortunately, he's not a goat with gills, or I'd invite him to stay at my house while I'm gone to eat the lawn.
After a few weeks, the lawn is a bit shaggy. I'm leaving for several weeks for a long vacation and I had intended to mow it at the end of this week. However, not only is there a former-hurricane continuing the rain that started on Wednesday, but my lawn mower won't even start. If anybody has any goats they need to corral, they can do it in my yard while I'm gone. Although, if they eat
krasota"s flowers, she's having gyros for dinner. Also, given the way it looks out there right now, the goats may want to have gills. I had a great uncle in Florida who told me a story of how he went fishing in the Gulf and caught a mermaid. The mermaid said to him, "If you marry me, my tail fin will turn into legs and I will live with you on dry land. However, every full moon, you must agree to fill the bath tub, lock me in the bathroom, and don't you dare open the door.
My uncle agreed. He stuffed her in the fish well and headed back to shore. He found a justice of the peace and brought him down to the beach. It wasn't the most graceful wedding, because the mermaid flopped around on the beach, whipping her tail back and forth, throughout most of the ceremony, but as soon as the JP said, "You may kiss the fish," her tail slit into a pair of legs.
They lived happily together. She cooked him breakfast every morning and, just as she instructed, every full moon he locked her in the bathroom after filling the tub and dumping her in it. He would listen at the door, but never dare enter. He heard splashing and thrashing and grunts and growls and all kinds of strange noises.
Now, my uncle was a kinky bastard. He got to figuring that she must be turning back into a mermaid temporarily on the full moon nights and he really missed the novelty of her fish tail. He had gotten his fill of two-legged action and really wanted to take a peak at his unusual wife. One night, after filling the tub, dropping her in, and closing the door, he didn't lock it. When the thrashing and splashing started, he burst in the door. He screamed!
In the tub was a wet, hairy goat, bleating and screaming like a barnyard animal. It was a barnyard animal. The goat was bloodthirsty, too. She jumped out of the tub, lunging for my uncle. He swore he could hear it's goat voice crying, "I toOoOoLd yOoOoOu! DoOoOon't CoOoOoMe in here!" The fish-wife-goat creature tackled my uncle and bit his neck. He screamed while those devilish slit shaped goat eyes stared at him. While he was trying to push her away, he saw the gills on the goats neck, flapping and wheezing for air. He realized the goat could only breathe under water, so he held that creature. He hugged it close, avoiding the snapping teeth and crying like a baby, knowing he was killing his wife, but he couldn't suffer an abomination like this to live. What would the neighbors think?
Well, she died in his arms, unable to breathe out of water. He dragged her to the boat, drove out to the ocean, and dumped her. My Uncle is a strong man. He patched his wound and got on with his life. However, every full moon, he does turn into a goat. Unfortunately, he's not a goat with gills, or I'd invite him to stay at my house while I'm gone to eat the lawn.
