realexplodingcat | (no subject)

On the First Day, God created Light. A little over two weeks ago, God decided maybe that wasn't such a good idea.

I haven't seen the sun in a long time. Rain and clouds have covered the land like a shroud. It feels like a premature burial. Even the wife, who normally celebrates multiple days of rain, is keening at the loss of sunlight. I grow weary. My mind turns to darkness. I'm questioning all that I am, all that I do. I stagger about the house, crying, "The END is NEAR!" My wife decided to push me into a closet, where I huddle beneath a full-spectrum light bulb like a doomed marijuana plant that has evolved little green hands for touch-typing. There goes the sun...doo doo doo...

Today, I peek out from my closet and see the sun. It is shy, like a young naked boy in the women's locker room. Maybe, he will come out? Maybe? But...no...the weather calls for more rain tomorrow. Join me now as I Make Figs to God. And not the fruit variety, either.