How to stay amused with my job.

[realexplodingcat]

So, I'm mucking around in the database, changing some values in tables, when I receive this error: "Transaction cannot start while in firehose mode." I like that. What could possibly go wrong on the server that would require the database to go into "firehose mode." I'm sure there's a rational, technical explanation, but I prefer to think that I did something from my remote country office that somehow made the server in Arlington burst into flames.

If I could really do that, I think the Navy would be interested. Most of my work these days is for the Navy. Now, I'm not usually a big fan of the military, but I have a soft spot in my heart for pirates and brigands. It is my dream that the Navy will use our software to improve communication among themselves via the internet. The secret underground network of homosexual naval personnel (all of whom have fiercely homosexual navels) will connect via our software and plan a coup. The navy will transform into a great gay flotilla that secedes from the United States, roaming the seas as the largest group of cooperating pirates in history, using my software to create flaming servers that require a firehose mode. That would make my "Wow! Team Award" from a navy Rear Admiral take on quite a different meaning.

Comments

[twilight-spirit.livejournal.com]

And they say the Navy didn't know what they were doing when they commissioned the Village People to write that song In the Navy. :)

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

oh dear..must add you to the list of "Don't consume liquids while reading this persons journal, you WILL splorf all over the keyboard and monitor." ROFL!

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Heh heh heh...I'm sneaky like that. I consider it my duty to put everyone in front of their computer into human-firehose mode. :)

Re:

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

you've done well! Ginseng soda through the sinus cavities..probably did me good, LOL

[chorus-of-chaos.livejournal.com]

oh dear..must add you to the list of "Don't consume liquids while reading this persons journal, you WILL splorf all over the keyboard and monitor." ROFL!

[jkatj.livejournal.com]

"Firehose mode" sounds so much more hopeful than the "Panic! We are hanging here" message that my computer occassionally treats me to.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Not bad. Stuff like that reminds me why I like computers. They're these mindless machines that are supposed to do what we tell them...but then some weird output bubbles up from the depths of the code that a programmer probably never meant people to see, imbuing the machine with an almost human sense of humor.

[jkatj.livejournal.com]

I think that's why I end up naming all my computers and peripherals. They definitely exhibit personality.

[circumspectly.livejournal.com]

rear admiral...gay navy...firehouse mode...

you sure you aren't sitting there writing alternative music? ;)

[asolublefish.livejournal.com]

If only you could hear me falling out my chair in laughter.

Tumbleweed Roundup

[terrapingardens.livejournal.com]

heh. You said "Rear Admiral" heh