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tedious lucubration
Jun. 10th, 2002 07:42 pmI've recently taken up the fine art of meditation. I do this during the day, while my darling wife is still asleep in her Gorgon den of horror. Hopefully, I'll be able to face and conquer some of my fears. (Better to do so outside than in the bedroom. I'm not ready to face that horror.)
Well, it's not going so well. For starters, there are tiny little bloodthirsty mites which attack any bit of skin they can find. Well, wife tells me they're mites, but I'm starting to think I'm just allergic to tranquility. This is what comes of loving a chaos fairy.
Secondly, I'm being hunted. As I sit on the porch, relaxing and feeling my soul adrift on the waves of time, I become aware of a menacing presence. And then I hear a droning hum. The first time I heard this, I thought to myself: "Must not open eyes. Big bug. OPEN EYES!!! IT MIGHT BITE!"
As I opened my eyes, cringing pre-emptively at what would surely be a gigantic flying cockroach with fangs, I look straight into the glittering eyes of a ruby-throated hummingbird. It was hovering mid-air, mere centimeters from my nose. The long, sharp, glistening beak was aimed right between my eyes. I felt my life slip through my hands as that menacing creature glared at me. Suddenly, it flew away, no doubt intent upon shredding the beauty of a poor, innocent blossom of youth.
Since then, every time I meditate, I'm studied by this dangerous creature. What does it want? Just what odious scheme is it plotting in its tiny bird brain?
Well, I'm convinced I know why these are called ruby-throated--it's not the color of the bird's throat. It's the appearance of the poor victim's neck after the bird finally takes its fill. Is my demise to be as such? Am I to meet my end so soon in life, before I even have a chance to acquire a stuffed polar bear for my study? Oh, cruel word, tease me not so!
Meditating is supposed to calm me, yet I find myself growing more paranoid each and every day. Maybe I shouldn't meditate outside. The world looms dark over my porch, with a tiny shadow hovering just past the periphery of vision.
Well, it's not going so well. For starters, there are tiny little bloodthirsty mites which attack any bit of skin they can find. Well, wife tells me they're mites, but I'm starting to think I'm just allergic to tranquility. This is what comes of loving a chaos fairy.
Secondly, I'm being hunted. As I sit on the porch, relaxing and feeling my soul adrift on the waves of time, I become aware of a menacing presence. And then I hear a droning hum. The first time I heard this, I thought to myself: "Must not open eyes. Big bug. OPEN EYES!!! IT MIGHT BITE!"
As I opened my eyes, cringing pre-emptively at what would surely be a gigantic flying cockroach with fangs, I look straight into the glittering eyes of a ruby-throated hummingbird. It was hovering mid-air, mere centimeters from my nose. The long, sharp, glistening beak was aimed right between my eyes. I felt my life slip through my hands as that menacing creature glared at me. Suddenly, it flew away, no doubt intent upon shredding the beauty of a poor, innocent blossom of youth.
Since then, every time I meditate, I'm studied by this dangerous creature. What does it want? Just what odious scheme is it plotting in its tiny bird brain?
Well, I'm convinced I know why these are called ruby-throated--it's not the color of the bird's throat. It's the appearance of the poor victim's neck after the bird finally takes its fill. Is my demise to be as such? Am I to meet my end so soon in life, before I even have a chance to acquire a stuffed polar bear for my study? Oh, cruel word, tease me not so!
Meditating is supposed to calm me, yet I find myself growing more paranoid each and every day. Maybe I shouldn't meditate outside. The world looms dark over my porch, with a tiny shadow hovering just past the periphery of vision.
