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Jan. 2nd, 2004 09:46 pmToday, this cat came sniffing around at my door, blatantly ignoring the words on the mat. I stepped outside to see what it wanted and it threw itself at my mercy. Just rolled right over and begged me to pet it. Also begged to be let inside.
If only young girls had thrown themselves on my front porch when I was in high school as often as cats do now.
I tell the cat this.
The shrugs and asks, "Where can I eat some weeds?"
"All kinds in the yard," I say.
"Dude, man, some grass!"
"That's in the yard, too."
"No, man, DRUGS! Where can I score some DRUGS!"
This cat informed me that word on the street has it that my wife is leaving out dime-bags of catnip in the backyard. The cat handed me some photographic evidence of another cat chewing on this bag. Minutes later, the same cat is high as a kite in March. Appalled by these allegations, I run to my backyard to see if it has indeed become a kitty crack den. Sure enough, there's a cat standing there hallucinating like a shaman on a mountain top. The cat stares at me and I swear I can hear it say, "Wwwwhhooaaa, you're such a big mouse."
I think I need to have a word with my wife. I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with the moral and social implications of her becoming a dealer of kitty dope.
If only young girls had thrown themselves on my front porch when I was in high school as often as cats do now.
I tell the cat this.
The shrugs and asks, "Where can I eat some weeds?"
"All kinds in the yard," I say.
"Dude, man, some grass!"
"That's in the yard, too."
"No, man, DRUGS! Where can I score some DRUGS!"
This cat informed me that word on the street has it that my wife is leaving out dime-bags of catnip in the backyard. The cat handed me some photographic evidence of another cat chewing on this bag. Minutes later, the same cat is high as a kite in March. Appalled by these allegations, I run to my backyard to see if it has indeed become a kitty crack den. Sure enough, there's a cat standing there hallucinating like a shaman on a mountain top. The cat stares at me and I swear I can hear it say, "Wwwwhhooaaa, you're such a big mouse."
I think I need to have a word with my wife. I'm not sure I'm prepared to deal with the moral and social implications of her becoming a dealer of kitty dope.
