(no subject)

[realexplodingcat]

Why do doctors seem to automatically assume that if you are not a chipper chipmunk and totally at peace with a physical problem, that the primary course of treatment is to send you to psychotherapy and offer anti-depressants? When will the medical community realize that quite often there are physical reasons for emotional fluctuation? The emotional fluctuation is a symptom of the root physical problem. And if the physical conditions can be balanced, the emotional balance will follow. I think it's One Act Play time, again.

Players:
Dr. Moo - a pretentious cow, wearing a floppy hat and a very long scarf
Mr. Pecker - an angry rooster, wearing sun glasses

Scene:
Old McGuffin's Farm, 10:20 AM, a hayloft converted to a barnyard medical facility

Act I
Dr. Moo: What seems to be the problem?

Mr. Pecker: Well, Doc, I've been kinda moody and tense. You see, lately, every time I turn my head to the left, my right testicle falls off.

Dr. Moo: Have you sought therapy or considered eating catnip or morning glory seeds to help your mood.

Mr. Pecker: No, Doc. I gotta keep an eye out for tractors while I'm crossing the road, but every time I look to the left, my right testicle drops off and goes rolling around in the dirt.

Dr. Moo: That must make you rather anxious. You need to learn to cope with that.

Mr. Pecker: Of course it makes me anxious. Most people don't realize roosters have testicles, so when it drops off and starts bouncing around, all the pigs and horses start starin' at me like I got no head. And Dingo, that's the farmer's dog, comes runnin' over trying to eat it. Hell yeah, I'm freakin out!

Dr. Moo: This anxiety your feeling, it often goes hand-in-hand with depression and the way we usually deal with--

Mr. Pecker: Doc! I'd feel fine if my testicle didn't fall off every time I looked both ways to cross the street.

Dr. Moo: It sounds like you've been through a lot. Time heals all, but until then counseling--

Mr. Pecker: Why's my balls fallin' off?!?

A sudden BANG from stage left. Chickens and horses yelling and calling.

Offstage: (mechanical buzzy voice) EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!

Two large metal trashcans on wheels come rolling in from stage-left, shooting up the place with laser firing eye-stalks.

Mr. Pecker looks to the left at the incoming robots. His right testicle falls off. He runs around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Dr Moo hastily scatters a mound of hay, revealing an antiquated blue police call-box. He opens the door and squeezes inside. The sound of someone playing a piano with a chainsaw is audible while the police call-box fades from view.

The robots continue blasting away the set, which quickly catches on fire and crumbles down. The robots kill you and everyone sitting next to you in the audience watching this play. The playhouse catches on fire and falls down, destroying the robots and Mr. Pecker (and his testicle). The flames start licking at the pages of this script and you can't read the rest of the story because it was lost in the fire...

Comments

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Long story short. Nausea every damn day. See Doctor. Get tests. Don't hear back. Finally call. Get office drone. Office drone takes message. Office drone calls back. Says go see psychiatrist. Hang up. Call Kaiser Patient Relations. Complain about Doctor foisting off on Psych plus making office drone do it. See new Doctor. New Doctor does not say, "See Psychiatrist". New Doctor does many tests, rules out scary stuff, prescribes Tagamet. Probably stress but treatment works - stress *situational*, not chronic depression.

Been there, done that, taken too many SSRIs.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

Yep, though I do wish the doctor could tell us why explodingcat, er... Mr. Pecker's testicle keeps falling off.

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Yeah. Seems a reasonable request to me.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Unfortunately, the stress of dealing with the mystery and severity of my condition (on top of all other kinds of stress) led me to a place where SSRIs were required (not that any of them agreed with me and finally found success with St. John's Wort). But now that the emotional symptoms are under control and the physical symptoms are not severe, just quite annoying, I'm trying to take another shot at getting to the bottom of this so I can do more than guess about how to control it (I'm treating myself as if I have sensitive blood sugar issues, and it keeps things fairly normal). I'll be the first to admit that emotional problems can cause some bizarre physical symptoms, but it seems like a lot of doctors are using that as an excuse to brush off difficult physical problems. At least, this new doctor is starting to run some tests, too. So I wasn't totally brushed off, he is interested in seeing if anything shows up in the blood work.

[ismene.livejournal.com]

Most doctors suck and do use that as an excuse. I was told for ages that all my fibro symptoms were because I was depressed, even though everyone with a brain knows that depression doesn't make you so dizzy you pass out, cause nerve pain, etc. Oh, and I was asked repeatedly if I was doing drugs. Not that I'm bitter about all this or anything.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

I get more bitter about the quality of healthcare in this country every day.

[ismene.livejournal.com]

I think we should be able to fire doctors who provide bad healthcare. Also, not pay them. They'd shape up fast if they couldn't buy their fancy cars and boats.

Stabbing might help too.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your little (um, as it were) testicle problem.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Thanks. The devastating fire seems to have alleviated some of my crankiness.

[alierakieron.livejournal.com]

Because that way they don't have to THINK!

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

What's with all this not thinking? If I stop thinking, I stop getting paid.

At least this doctor is actually doing some real tests in addition to the other suggestions.

[alierakieron.livejournal.com]

Well THAT'S good at least...

Hmmm....

[flynnk.livejournal.com]

I think someone has recent news on his mind...

I think the trash cans and The Badger are in leaque...

Re: Hmmm....

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Keep an eye on that Badger.

Yes, I am intrigued by the future of Dr. Who. Looking forward to see what they end up doing with it.

[jkatj.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your testicle. I hope you get it sewn on securly soon so you don't have to stress about it falling off anymore.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Thanks. My metaphorical testicle and I appreciate your concern.

[jkatj.livejournal.com]

You know, thinking about it -- seems to me like sewing your testicle on securely would be something your dear wifey-poo would really rather enjoy. Perhaps you should ask her.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

oh dear god i hope she doesn't read that

:)

[krasota.livejournal.com]

Very good idea.

*nods*

Well, I don't know

[(Anonymous)]

After all, does he really *need* the right one?

[cutopia.livejournal.com]

Hehehe. Well, all that strikes close to home... and I've definately found that physical health has a lot of control over mental health. I've found that B vitamin stress supplements are one of the best things for dealing with depression and irritibility. If I didn't take that stuff, I'd prolly just sit around and cry most of the time... well that and yell at my birds for chirping too much (the vitamins make noises annoy me much less).

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

I don't think I've noticed a difference when I take B vitamins or not. I tend to take them anyway, because it just seems like a good idea. I've regained a lot of my natural ability to brush off the daily stress to which I'm accustomed. But if something breaks through that wall, I need all the supplemental support I can get.