(no subject)

[realexplodingcat]

Why do doctors seem to automatically assume that if you are not a chipper chipmunk and totally at peace with a physical problem, that the primary course of treatment is to send you to psychotherapy and offer anti-depressants? When will the medical community realize that quite often there are physical reasons for emotional fluctuation? The emotional fluctuation is a symptom of the root physical problem. And if the physical conditions can be balanced, the emotional balance will follow. I think it's One Act Play time, again.

Players:
Dr. Moo - a pretentious cow, wearing a floppy hat and a very long scarf
Mr. Pecker - an angry rooster, wearing sun glasses

Scene:
Old McGuffin's Farm, 10:20 AM, a hayloft converted to a barnyard medical facility

Act I
Dr. Moo: What seems to be the problem?

Mr. Pecker: Well, Doc, I've been kinda moody and tense. You see, lately, every time I turn my head to the left, my right testicle falls off.

Dr. Moo: Have you sought therapy or considered eating catnip or morning glory seeds to help your mood.

Mr. Pecker: No, Doc. I gotta keep an eye out for tractors while I'm crossing the road, but every time I look to the left, my right testicle drops off and goes rolling around in the dirt.

Dr. Moo: That must make you rather anxious. You need to learn to cope with that.

Mr. Pecker: Of course it makes me anxious. Most people don't realize roosters have testicles, so when it drops off and starts bouncing around, all the pigs and horses start starin' at me like I got no head. And Dingo, that's the farmer's dog, comes runnin' over trying to eat it. Hell yeah, I'm freakin out!

Dr. Moo: This anxiety your feeling, it often goes hand-in-hand with depression and the way we usually deal with--

Mr. Pecker: Doc! I'd feel fine if my testicle didn't fall off every time I looked both ways to cross the street.

Dr. Moo: It sounds like you've been through a lot. Time heals all, but until then counseling--

Mr. Pecker: Why's my balls fallin' off?!?

A sudden BANG from stage left. Chickens and horses yelling and calling.

Offstage: (mechanical buzzy voice) EXTERMINATE, EXTERMINATE!

Two large metal trashcans on wheels come rolling in from stage-left, shooting up the place with laser firing eye-stalks.

Mr. Pecker looks to the left at the incoming robots. His right testicle falls off. He runs around like a chicken with its head cut off.

Dr Moo hastily scatters a mound of hay, revealing an antiquated blue police call-box. He opens the door and squeezes inside. The sound of someone playing a piano with a chainsaw is audible while the police call-box fades from view.

The robots continue blasting away the set, which quickly catches on fire and crumbles down. The robots kill you and everyone sitting next to you in the audience watching this play. The playhouse catches on fire and falls down, destroying the robots and Mr. Pecker (and his testicle). The flames start licking at the pages of this script and you can't read the rest of the story because it was lost in the fire...

Comments

[klwalton.livejournal.com]

Long story short. Nausea every damn day. See Doctor. Get tests. Don't hear back. Finally call. Get office drone. Office drone takes message. Office drone calls back. Says go see psychiatrist. Hang up. Call Kaiser Patient Relations. Complain about Doctor foisting off on Psych plus making office drone do it. See new Doctor. New Doctor does not say, "See Psychiatrist". New Doctor does many tests, rules out scary stuff, prescribes Tagamet. Probably stress but treatment works - stress *situational*, not chronic depression.

Been there, done that, taken too many SSRIs.

[porcinea.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your little (um, as it were) testicle problem.

[alierakieron.livejournal.com]

Because that way they don't have to THINK!

Hmmm....

[flynnk.livejournal.com]

I think someone has recent news on his mind...

I think the trash cans and The Badger are in leaque...

[jkatj.livejournal.com]

Sorry to hear about your testicle. I hope you get it sewn on securly soon so you don't have to stress about it falling off anymore.

[cutopia.livejournal.com]

Hehehe. Well, all that strikes close to home... and I've definately found that physical health has a lot of control over mental health. I've found that B vitamin stress supplements are one of the best things for dealing with depression and irritibility. If I didn't take that stuff, I'd prolly just sit around and cry most of the time... well that and yell at my birds for chirping too much (the vitamins make noises annoy me much less).