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Apr. 28th, 2004 02:50 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
realexplodingcatI was posting this in a comment to someone else. But my comment exceeded the limit allowed for comments. So, I post it here. Basically, the post to which I was commenting spawned some food for thought.
Sad, but true. Society does often have less tolerance for external manifestations of internal eccentricities. Of course, it is often said of serial killers, "he seemed so normal, so much like everyone else." So, society ought to learn that external eccentricities are not always an accurate sign of someone you ought to shun.
Personally, I am a strong advocate of Knowing Thyself and then Being Thyself. This is a job that is never done, because the Self is always a moving target. But this is what I have always striven to do. I suppose this is easy for me to say, because my Self has always demanded to be shown to the Public as fairly Normal with only a dash of Weird here and there. The only thing that hurts me is a tendency for introversion...but perhaps this also helps me because I'm not always comfortable externalizing my eccentricities (and there are a lot of them). Consequently, it is fairly easy for me to be myself and operate in normal society. However, I do not believe that everybody has this luxury. Not everyone can accept and be themselves and fit into the narrow range of possibilities that is readily accepted by society.
As a counter-argument question: where do you draw the line when altering external expressions of Self? Only to what can be controlled? Someone born into an ethnic minority has very little choice about their external differences. Likewise, certain disabilities may not be changed or hidden. These people suffer discrimination due to characteristics over which they do not have a choice.
A grey area: being gay. I am convinced that homosexuality is determined by genetics as much as someone's appearance due to an ethnic heritage. However, this deviance (which is often considered unacceptable) is easy to hide. But why should it be hid? Heterosexuals constantly display their orientation in subtle ways, whether it's holding hands in public or just telling you what they did with their immediate family last weekend. If you're gay, you can choose to hide these subtle messages and always have a degree of un-comfortableness about yourself. Or you can be yourself, and try not to worry about the other people who might notice.
I suppose the difference with people who purposely look weird is that there probably isn't a genetic predisposition to being a goth or punk. So, why would you choose to look like that when you do not have to? I, for one, believe that it is just as valid an expression of Self as the above examples of people who don't have a choice over their appearance. While people may have a choice over how they dress, they generally don't have a choice over who their Self is. If their Self demands an eccentric external expression, so be it. That is a Self that is willing to accept the consequences, if any. I also think it's doing a disservice to people who don't have a choice about their appearance if all of us who do have a choice purposefully deny our selves so that we look Normal. Society can change. History has shown us that it has. It just takes a damn long time, sometimes. Consider the social norms of the 50s compared with today. I'd look like a complete outcast in the 50s, whereas today society has loosened up enough to accept my long hair and predilections for darker shades of color in my office attire. I was wearing a black suit, combat boots, and long hair to the interview for my current job. I probably wouldn't wear the combat boots again in such a situation now, but that was me then. But I believe change can happen. And I believe some people have a calling to be different, and they should answer that call. Because there are still too many prejudices in society.
I just wanted to offer a different opinion. Now, after having said all that. I do think I understand what you're trying to say about yourself. You are clearly a changed man from the one you were several years ago. Consequently, it is your duty to express that. And I think you're doing a fine job. As for other folks? Maybe they do not want the same things as you or I. Maybe they are still exploring and learning who they are. I won't try to make the distinction. But, perhaps, in time those who don't know themselves, will. And those that already do know themselves, should continue to be themselves.
Sad, but true. Society does often have less tolerance for external manifestations of internal eccentricities. Of course, it is often said of serial killers, "he seemed so normal, so much like everyone else." So, society ought to learn that external eccentricities are not always an accurate sign of someone you ought to shun.
Personally, I am a strong advocate of Knowing Thyself and then Being Thyself. This is a job that is never done, because the Self is always a moving target. But this is what I have always striven to do. I suppose this is easy for me to say, because my Self has always demanded to be shown to the Public as fairly Normal with only a dash of Weird here and there. The only thing that hurts me is a tendency for introversion...but perhaps this also helps me because I'm not always comfortable externalizing my eccentricities (and there are a lot of them). Consequently, it is fairly easy for me to be myself and operate in normal society. However, I do not believe that everybody has this luxury. Not everyone can accept and be themselves and fit into the narrow range of possibilities that is readily accepted by society.
As a counter-argument question: where do you draw the line when altering external expressions of Self? Only to what can be controlled? Someone born into an ethnic minority has very little choice about their external differences. Likewise, certain disabilities may not be changed or hidden. These people suffer discrimination due to characteristics over which they do not have a choice.
A grey area: being gay. I am convinced that homosexuality is determined by genetics as much as someone's appearance due to an ethnic heritage. However, this deviance (which is often considered unacceptable) is easy to hide. But why should it be hid? Heterosexuals constantly display their orientation in subtle ways, whether it's holding hands in public or just telling you what they did with their immediate family last weekend. If you're gay, you can choose to hide these subtle messages and always have a degree of un-comfortableness about yourself. Or you can be yourself, and try not to worry about the other people who might notice.
I suppose the difference with people who purposely look weird is that there probably isn't a genetic predisposition to being a goth or punk. So, why would you choose to look like that when you do not have to? I, for one, believe that it is just as valid an expression of Self as the above examples of people who don't have a choice over their appearance. While people may have a choice over how they dress, they generally don't have a choice over who their Self is. If their Self demands an eccentric external expression, so be it. That is a Self that is willing to accept the consequences, if any. I also think it's doing a disservice to people who don't have a choice about their appearance if all of us who do have a choice purposefully deny our selves so that we look Normal. Society can change. History has shown us that it has. It just takes a damn long time, sometimes. Consider the social norms of the 50s compared with today. I'd look like a complete outcast in the 50s, whereas today society has loosened up enough to accept my long hair and predilections for darker shades of color in my office attire. I was wearing a black suit, combat boots, and long hair to the interview for my current job. I probably wouldn't wear the combat boots again in such a situation now, but that was me then. But I believe change can happen. And I believe some people have a calling to be different, and they should answer that call. Because there are still too many prejudices in society.
I just wanted to offer a different opinion. Now, after having said all that. I do think I understand what you're trying to say about yourself. You are clearly a changed man from the one you were several years ago. Consequently, it is your duty to express that. And I think you're doing a fine job. As for other folks? Maybe they do not want the same things as you or I. Maybe they are still exploring and learning who they are. I won't try to make the distinction. But, perhaps, in time those who don't know themselves, will. And those that already do know themselves, should continue to be themselves.
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no subject
Date: 2004-04-28 08:25 pm (UTC)I, for one, believe that it is just as valid an expression of Self as the above examples of people who don't have a choice over their appearance.
One could argue that the subcultural "dress code" has as much to do with maintaining solidarity with their group as an expression of self. The nuances of goth dress/ musical taste/ personality don't come together entirely naturally. People that look the part, but don't listen to the right music or vice versa tend to feel pressure to accept more acceptible genre alternatives. I haven't been able to decide whether that changes the validity of self-expression via appearance.
More thoughts possibly forthcoming.
no subject
Date: 2004-04-28 09:31 pm (UTC)The discussion took an interesting turn in the journal to which I was originally responding. The true argument is more about behavior/moral development, rather than choice of appearance. It's just that your choice of appearance can often reflect your mode of behavior/stage of moral development.