In other news, I am a robot.

[realexplodingcat]

I saw this movie once about a christmas tree that was a door to door insurance salesman. One day, this gorgeous oak tree opens the door wearing only a few well placed leaves. She agrees to buy insurance for her husband, a Hemlock tree with a wandering eye, if Mr. Christmas Tree agrees to help her kill him. Christmas can't help himself, his lights are blinking and his balls are quivering. He cross pollinates with the lady oak. She mail orders some asian woolly adelgid beetles and dumps them on her Mr. Hemlock in his sleep. Those beetles go to town, chewing him up. She runs off with Mr. Christmas.

One day, after going downtown to see the play "Into The Woods", they are walking home to their new urban apartment. Our pair of trees is accosted by a bum who lurches out of an alley. It's Mr. Hemlock, barely recognizable, branches broken and bark all grey and eaten. "If you're going to cover a man with asian woolly adelgid beetles, you better make sure he's dead before you leave him." Christmas dives at Hemlock. They wrestle on the side walk. The fight spills into the street. People are running and screaming. An angry apple tree pauses to throw it's own apples at the fighting pair. Suddenly, a sleepy bus driver plows right into the trees, scattering limbs everywhere. Oh the humanity! Wait...that's not quite right. Anyway, Lady Oak runs from the scene and spends the rest of her life hiding in the city's central park, killing squirrels for food and tripping joggers at dawn.

Comments

[kateo.livejournal.com]

I thought she was supposed to leave them both and take up with a sexy young sapling.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

I'm not sure if that is legal. But, I suppose love knows no boundaries.

Tangent

[kateo.livejournal.com]

Hey, random question: what's the name of the artist/illustrator that did the piece you use for your "eeek" user picture? I remember you and/or krasota mentioning him before, but I can't remember the name.

Re: Tangent

[krasota.livejournal.com]

Michael Sowa.

He's inside my brain, I tell you.

[kugelblitz.livejournal.com]

Why not dusk too?

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

There some questions that should not be asked. You are very bold. If I were you, I'd steer clear of any Oak trees for the foreseeable future.

[ismene.livejournal.com]

*giggles*

[redzshadow.livejournal.com]

So that's what happened to the Hemlock!

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Sadly, I think that bus finally finished what the asian woolly adelgid beetles started.

[seeliespright.livejournal.com]

*chortle*

[sororkisar.livejournal.com]

I like that story........


*I was looking at the people watching dead new year, and you were, but were not a member, so I clicked, and saw your profile, and further investigation led me to your actual Blog, and it made me very happy*

the end.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Great. I'm happy if you're happy. Yup, I keep an eye on Dead New Year. I know ratbastard and fiendmorte. I think my band is playing with them in March.