How heavy is an alphorn?

[realexplodingcat]

Every single night, without fail, either my wife or I must escort a lightning bug out the door. My wife sometimes lets it stay put, but she usually relents and sends it outside so it can mate. Me? I just want the thing to go out and lightning bugs, like box elder bugs, are cute and lively and don't count as "insects" in my animal kingdom.

Anyhow, I'm beginning to suspect that we liberate the same lightning bug night after night. I even have its motivation--it's my wife's secret co-conspirator. On the nights I get up and toss it out, I've probably spoiled meeting plans. Wife always runs to the door and mumbles "dot dot dash" combinations for a few moments while staring out the window. It's not morse code--I tried to figure it out one day. It's probably some alien bug language. On the nights the wife handles things, the meetings are short.

They're probably in cahoots with the hummingbird and the weird old guy in lederhosen and knee breeches I see walking around the trees some mornings. I don't know what they're planning but I'm sure it isn't good.

I wouldn't have deduced this mad collaboration if wife hadn't slipped up in the car yesterday. She told me that her dream is to live on a hill above Charlottesville and let loose calls on the alphorn each and every morning at the crack of dawn. Then she quickly said, "Sousaphone, I meant Sousaphone." It was too late, I was already pondering her intent and a lightbulb went off above my head, burning my eyebrows and ear hair.

Alphorn, lederhosen, lightning bug, hummingbird. Wife.

She's mad, I tell you. Mad.

Comments

[mactavish.livejournal.com]

I wish we had lightning bugs.

[krasota.livejournal.com]

You live in one of those warm places. You probably have thunder bugs.

I bet Casey LOVES those. :

[lupa.livejournal.com]

an alphorn is as heavy as the diet of the player (squared by altitude when blown).