A Brief History of Poodles
Jan. 7th, 2007 11:54 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
realexplodingcatAs you may or may not know, poodles come in several sizes: Teacup Poodle, Toy Poodle, Miniature Poodle, and the Standard Poodle. Most of you would assume that these different sizes are due to careful breeding. The truth, however, is that the sizes are due to careful feeding. The more you feed a Poodle, the bigger it gets. The less you feed it, the smaller it gets. We feed our Poodle just enough to maintain his stature as a Standard.
The four sizes listed above are the most common today. However, throughout history, there have been many other sizes that received official names. I shall describe two at opposite extremes.
Scientists studying ancient meteorites have found fossilized remains of what they call the Micro Poodle. This tiny dog is roughly the size of bacteria and likely maintained this small stature due to the lack of food in outer space. The species experienced a gastronomic renaissance when several members crashed into the Earth while riding a meteoroid in the late Cretacreous period of geologic history. Poodles then rode the rising tide of early mammals, eating their way up the food chain, gaining in stature, and passing through many officially named and unnamed sizes. From Micro, to Mini, to the Mucho Poodle (maintained predominantly on a small family farm in the Yucatan Peninsula).
Perhaps the most infamous of Poodle sizes was created by the French in the late eighteenth century: the Colossal Poodle. It was not uncommon for the Colossal Poodle to measure seven feet in height at its withers and, when not having been mistaken for freakishly large bears, might have been used to plow fields and haul farm equipment. The Colossal poodle soon became a status symbol for the rising bourgeoisie who used their growing wealth to purchase tons of food to grow their massive dogs. In fact, the scarcity of food prior to the French Revolution can be blamed entirely on the middle-class, who required nearly all of the nation's food supplies to maintain the size of their Poodles. No doubt this practice hastened the inevitable violence of the Revolution, but also ultimately contributed to the successful overthrow of the monarchy. In fact, militant revolutionaries rode the Colossal Poodle into battle, much like a warhorse, when they stormed the Bastille. The Colossal Poodle remained a potent weapon for the revolution, but the size was short lived. By the end of the Revolution, maintaining the absurd size became less of a priority for the rattled nation. Many members of the first bicameral legislature recognized the Colossal Poodle's role in increasing the tension between classes and consequently passed laws restricting the size of dogs in France. Never again would the country go hungry due to the frenzy of feeding required to maintain the size of its dogs. Thereafter, with less frequent and smaller feedings, the Poodles shrank to more a manageable size, resulting in the four sizes we see today.
The four sizes listed above are the most common today. However, throughout history, there have been many other sizes that received official names. I shall describe two at opposite extremes.
Scientists studying ancient meteorites have found fossilized remains of what they call the Micro Poodle. This tiny dog is roughly the size of bacteria and likely maintained this small stature due to the lack of food in outer space. The species experienced a gastronomic renaissance when several members crashed into the Earth while riding a meteoroid in the late Cretacreous period of geologic history. Poodles then rode the rising tide of early mammals, eating their way up the food chain, gaining in stature, and passing through many officially named and unnamed sizes. From Micro, to Mini, to the Mucho Poodle (maintained predominantly on a small family farm in the Yucatan Peninsula).
Perhaps the most infamous of Poodle sizes was created by the French in the late eighteenth century: the Colossal Poodle. It was not uncommon for the Colossal Poodle to measure seven feet in height at its withers and, when not having been mistaken for freakishly large bears, might have been used to plow fields and haul farm equipment. The Colossal poodle soon became a status symbol for the rising bourgeoisie who used their growing wealth to purchase tons of food to grow their massive dogs. In fact, the scarcity of food prior to the French Revolution can be blamed entirely on the middle-class, who required nearly all of the nation's food supplies to maintain the size of their Poodles. No doubt this practice hastened the inevitable violence of the Revolution, but also ultimately contributed to the successful overthrow of the monarchy. In fact, militant revolutionaries rode the Colossal Poodle into battle, much like a warhorse, when they stormed the Bastille. The Colossal Poodle remained a potent weapon for the revolution, but the size was short lived. By the end of the Revolution, maintaining the absurd size became less of a priority for the rattled nation. Many members of the first bicameral legislature recognized the Colossal Poodle's role in increasing the tension between classes and consequently passed laws restricting the size of dogs in France. Never again would the country go hungry due to the frenzy of feeding required to maintain the size of its dogs. Thereafter, with less frequent and smaller feedings, the Poodles shrank to more a manageable size, resulting in the four sizes we see today.
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Date: 2007-01-08 04:19 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-08 04:54 am (UTC)(Love the song!)
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Date: 2007-01-08 02:59 pm (UTC)I had weird dream a few nights ago in which I visited your house. Only it sat on a cliff high above the raging Pacific. Very beautiful... until the small earthquake happened, caused by the shockwave of giant visiting alien space ships that hovered over your back porch. Then it was a little scary. Still, it somehow made me nostalgic for California.
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Date: 2007-01-08 10:17 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 05:15 am (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-08 02:50 pm (UTC)no subject
Date: 2007-01-09 01:03 am (UTC)Damn those revoultionaries! I want a Colossal poodle, but fear the breed has disappeared entirely, not even to be reclaimed by increased feeding of a jumbo poodle!
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Date: 2007-01-09 05:23 am (UTC)I bet if I had a Colossal Poodle, I wouldn't need to work. People would pay me to keep my Poodle from eating all their food (and children).
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Date: 2007-01-09 07:50 pm (UTC)