realexplodingcat | (no subject)

Either a certain evil kitty,

evilrumor, can teleport, or she has minions in Virginia.

The other night the wife and I arrive home after a pleasant evening at the local goth club and before we can get in the house we hear the sorrowful cries of a cat out in the darkness that is our yard. It sounds like the animal is in pain. So, we grab a tiny flashlight, the only one we can find, and venture forth into the dark forest corner of our yard. We find, high in the tree, a black and white cat staring down at us. Yelling over and over this sorrowful meow. Clearly the cat wanted to try to freeze us to death, its cries keeping us out there in the cold as we tried to figure out how to rescue it. We decided to try to climb the tree, which likely was playing right into the critter's evil plan. Once we got ourselves stuck in the tree, it would have eaten us. Leopards drag their kill into trees. Apparently this cat forgot that it needed to kill us on the ground, then drag us into the tree. No, this one decided to tree itself and see if we'd mortally wound ourselves trying to save it. We went back in the house to find a step stool to aid our climbing...and returned to find the cat no longer in the tree. Yet, it was still yelling for us. The cat clearly had no trouble getting out of the tree when we weren't looking at it, choosing to lurk in our driveway, still calling and crying. This time I suspect it was trying to lead us out into the road to play in traffic.

I suspect an untrained assassin sent by

evilrumor. Evil Rumor would have jumped down from the tree and ate our heads in one bite.