(no subject)

[realexplodingcat]

Some Morman boys came knocking at my door today. I was very polite. I let them do their thing and answered their questions honestly. As much as I dislike any kind of door-to-door service that is not delivering me my new iPod, I can't help but have some respect for anyone brave enough to go visit strangers who will more than likely reject them. And I have no problem with their religion, even if it is not my choice of faith. So, I was pleasant and allowed them to go in peace. However, sometimes I think the event should have gone like this:

DING DONG - I go to the door and see two young gentlemen in suits.

Mor-man1: Hello, we're from--

Me: Hold it! Let's do this properly. Let me close the door. You knock again, so I can properly greet you.

Door Closes...DING DONG...I open door after putting on a giant jackal head mask that nearly scrapes the top of the door frame.

Me: BOOONNNGGG! Why have you summoned me?

Mor-man1: We are from the Church of Mormon, I'm sure you've heard of us--

Me: Indeed! Are you wearing Mormon underwear?

Mor-man1: Er...yes?

Me: Prove it. I refuse to speak to impostors.

The older Mor-man1 instructs the younger fledging Mor-man2 to undress.

Me: Now, you sir, please document this occasion for me with this digital camera.
Please, you do the honors, I can't see very well through this giant Anubis head.

Pictures are taken, which I will later post on the internet. Mor-man1 nods to his younger protege, like a Momma bird pushing a baby out the nest to teach it to fly.

Mor-man2: Do you read the Bible?

Me: Every morning for breakfast. It's delicious. The onion skin paper doesn't get caught in my teeth. If you'd like to come in for lunch, I'm serving the Bhagavad Gita over saffron rice.

Mor-man2: Uh...you seem confused. If you are confused by the Bible, we have a guide that can help you. The Book of Mormon, written here in this country-

Me: Not only in this country, but in New Jersey! I am suspicious of any religion cooked up in New Jersey, but it would likely be delicious with the Garden State's fresh tomatoes and corn. It's always best to use local ingredients when preparing a book of faith. Have you ever tasted I Ching Chow Mein?

Mor-mans: No...

Me: How about Kafta Koran Shish Kabob?

Mor-mans: No...

Me: That's a shame, I have a ton of that leftover because my wife is menstruating now and can't touch it. How about--

The Mor-mans run...fast...

Comments

[fluzby.livejournal.com]

Thanks for being polite to the nice mormon boys and not scaring them. :)

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

No problem. I suspect they get plenty of surly treatment, so the least I can do is turn them away nicely. However, I just acted like an ass on the phone to telemarketer... I guess I have more respect for any religion than I do for businesses trying to sell me stuff...

Re:

[cutopia.livejournal.com]

I was just very surly to a telemarketer yesterday, and I learned something interesting as a result. I have callerID and usually simply don't answer the phone when it doesn't successfully resolve the number, but recently a new law making it illegal to hide one's number was enacted. So I answered and immediately confronted them with 'Isn't it illegal for you to be hiding your phone number from my caller ID?'
The response was 'No. But I can tell you my phone number.'
Further probing led to the revelation that she was not selling something and so was not subject to that law. In fact, she wanted to ask my husband how he felt about prescription eyewear.
'I don't think he'd be interested in that either.'
So the evil ones have already found a loop hole.
It's actually easier if their numbers don't resolve .

Re:

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

I should get caller ID some day. It's weird how we grow up learning to obey the phone. No matter what you're doing, you're supposed to pick up the phone. And telemarketing takes advantage of that behavior. Caller id would be a great way for me to break the habit of obeying the phone...because I really only do it because I want to find out if it's someone I do want to talk to.

[alierakieron.livejournal.com]

I have a friend who makes a habit of ALWAYS answering the door when it's Mormons or Jehovah's Witnesses buck nekkid.

They don't come round no more.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Is your friend cute? Maybe I'll come a-knocking with my Bible in hand ;-)

[alierakieron.livejournal.com]

Well, for a fifty year old white guy who's an academic and thus, gets very little exercise... maybesortakinda?

[silent-muse.livejournal.com]

Have I told you the story of rozzgoth and the Jehova's Witnesses. If I have, I won't plug up space here. . .

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

I think you have. I don't recall the details...but something about your mother playing along with it too.

[silent-muse.livejournal.com]

A refresher - "How dare you! Steve's been dead for a year!"

[ismene.livejournal.com]

Thanks for making me laugh.

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Thanks for reading and enjoying.

[blixa23.livejournal.com]

That is, quite better, than my uncle's response to them:

MoreMen: Have you found the Kingdom of God?
Uncle: Why, have you lost yours?

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Simple, but effective.

[minnakoda.livejournal.com]

damn.. i wish i were that creative... and i ching chow mein does sound good....

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

I'm thinking of experimenting with ethnic fusion dishes next. Sweet & Sour Talmud, perhaps.

[jkatj.livejournal.com]

You are such a bizarre man.

I dig that.

First a brilliant limerick:

[asqmh.livejournal.com]

And now this.

Beautiful. Moves me to ask ...

...where can I get a giant Anubis head??

Q.

Re: First a brilliant limerick:

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

It was a gift from the gods.

[queenmombi.livejournal.com]

oh this makes me mad happy!! You are good, verry good indeed.
smile for you

[explodingcat.livejournal.com]

Thanks! You'll get an invite to my cooking class...if I ever have one...