realexplodingcat | (no subject)

The federal government has finally come to me for help regarding a few domestic issues. Perhaps the current administration is looking for more election year attention grabbers. Perhaps this is just another ploy to divert my attention from the mess they've made of international affairs. They say to me, "Our country is going deeper into debt. Our prisons are over-crowded. Obesity is becoming national health crisis. What do we do?"

My suggestion: Legalize drugs. You'll have far fewer people in prison, saving you lots of money not paying for their room and board. Place very high taxes on these drugs, which would go a long way to alleviating budget problems. As for obesity? Offer untaxed, free drugs. String bags of them up on tall poles which would require people to engage in a significant amount of physical activity to reach the free drugs. Such exercise might be beneficial to reducing the obesity problem.

The government is still skeptical of my plan (particularly the last bit), so I told them I would give them a small scale, proof of concept demonstration. The tall pole = a bird feeder pole. The drugs = catnip. The people = cats. They said it wasn't exactly a scientific study, but I think the amount of research I did is probably comparable to the amount of preparation they did for post war reconstruction in Iraq.

Anyway, without further ado, I give you photographic evidence...of my plan...for solving America's...domestic problems.

Flat | Top-Level Comments Only

this would work, in theory. however, in reality, humans have opposable thumbs and would probably find a way to cut the string or shoot it with something like a bb gun, thus obesity lives on...

well, you see, I have this other idea about surgically removing opposable thumbs...

:: insane giggling ::

who would remove the last persons thumb?? and how would we write, to keep record of things??

too many questions... i like the idea though! :P

You're my new write in candidate.

Vote for me. I promise a squid in every bed.

I don't know you, but that was awesome. You have my vote.

Don't know you either. And I wish we'd let Canadians vote in our national elections.

Yeah, I know a lot of Canadians who who would shoot me for saying this, but we're mini- America. We're so affected by the American Govenrment, we might as well vote.

I say we put all this in the Silent Muse 2004 platform, and run with it baby.

Absolutely. We can't lose.

What are you going to put up on the pole for the people who aren't interested in drugs? A nice piece of chocolate cake might be nice.

Good idea. Judging from the comments to this post, people are now wanting to vote me in as president. I'll need to surround myself with advisers. You can be my Surgeon General.

Perhaps Sturgeon General? just to follow the marine life accent.

A bet those cats would like a Sturgeon.

won't that contribute the the obesity problem? it's like that walk you take...to the ice cream store. you don't wind up with a net loss, if you see what i'm saying.

Absolutely, I do see what you're saying. So what do you suggest for the non-drug-loving fatties (like me, for example)? Money?

since i fall into the same category, yes, lots and lots of money for us!!!

Done! All the taxes collected from our legitimate sale of non-suspended drugs will be returned to the community in the form of bags of money hanging from sadistically high poles. Chocolate Cake will be provided as stepping stools to reach for the bags.

hurray!!!!! moneymoneymoneymoney........no, I'm not obsessed.

Mmmmm...money.

Fortunately, the federal government won't be hanging yours from a pole. Yay!